In my last post, I compared planting God’s word in the hearts of our children to sowing and reaping. One of the points I made is that there are some things we, as parents, must do to see faith grow in their hearts and there are other things only God can do. We must faithfully do the things that are in our power and trust God with the rest.
Your home is the soil where your children are planted. They are tucked away safely in your home where they first start to sprout into the people God created them to be.
We have influence over the atmosphere of our homes. We are the ones who set the rhymes, routines, and systems that help our families grow and function successfully. We are always monitoring the needs and moods of those who live under our roof. We add love, tenderness, and joy when they are needed. The more years of experience we have, the more skilled we become in knowing when something is off. We learn when something needs to be adjusted or removed before it harms the “crop” we’re trying to grow.
And what is this crop we are trying to grow? We are looking to see faith grow in the hearts and minds of our children, to see them begin to know and love God for themselves, and to see them willingly display His character. That is a harvest of righteousness.
What a huge calling! Thankfully, we are not alone. We must do what we can and allow God to do what we can’t. He has called us to this work, and it’s good.
“He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it.” 1 Thessalonians 5:24
Motherhood can feel overwhelming because it’s spiritual work and we are natural. That’s why we are so dependent on the Holy Spirit for our efforts to be successful.
Many times I’ve felt overwhelmed and inadequate as a mom. I was eager and willing to do the things necessary to help my children grow in the Lord, but I didn’t know what those things were! This is especially hard for those of us who didn’t grow up in anChristian home and had no example of what a Christian home should look like.
What do our children need to grow spiritually? What essentials do we need to make sure are part of the atmosphere of our homes to help them grow strong in faith?
After years of successes and failures, I’ve decided there are at least six things that should be part of the atmosphere of my home for faith to grow. There are more I would like to add, but long lists exhaust me and make me feel like giving up before I start! Below is a list of what I think are the six most important characteristics of a home where children can become who they were created to be.
Love
I’m sure this one is no surprise. Love is essential for growing anything good. An atmosphere without love is toxic, and nothing good can thrive in a toxic environment. God is love so to have love flow in our homes is like having the Spirit of God hovering over and breathing on our family.
Besides God Himself, love is our greatest need. Growing up in an atmosphere of unconditional love helps our children grow strong without fear because perfect love casts out fear.
Fear stunts growth. It causes us to hide and hold back from being our true selves because we fear judgment or rejection. To be loved unconditionally is to be accepted despite our shortcomings and faults. I believe this is a need and desire of every human heart. Soon enough our children will enter a world full of judgment and rejection. We can not keep them from it but we can prepare them. While they are still in our homes, we can give them the gift of unconditional love and acceptance. With that kind of beginning their reservoir of love will be full and they will have what they need to face life head-on, without caving to the threat of rejection or the temptation to compromise their faith to be accepted by others. They will know deep in their hearts that they are already loved and accepted by the One who matters most.
Faith
Faith is our goal. But as the farmer can’t force the seed to grow, so we are powerless to make faith grow in the hearts of our children. We must plant the seed, tend it, and trust God with the outcome.
If faith is real and active in our lives it can be passed on to our children. Faith can be more easily absorbed into the hearts of our children when it’s part of the atmosphere of our home. When faith is part of our family culture it will become part of our children’s identity.
Home and family life was God’s idea. He is our constant companion in our homes, so talking about Him and to Him doesn’t need to be awkward or forced. It can flow naturally from us. It’s natural to thank Him for our food or discuss Him during a meal. Having family devotions and reading His Word just become a part of our lives. Goodnight prayers are a blessing and something to look forward to. Going to church is a joy, not a burden. These are the kind of thoughts I cultivate in my own mind so the right kind of attitude about God flows from me to my children. We can help our children believe in and love God just by living out our faith before them and creating a home where faith is attractive and a natural part of our lives.
Order
We all need order and predictability to some degree but children especially thrive where there is a defined structure. The opposite of order is chaos. Chaos is stressful and uncertain. If we live in a constant state of chaos we are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, waiting for some uncalculated event to occur. Creating an orderly home gives our children a sense of security where they feel safe to explore and grow.
I’m organizationally challenged. But I still believe in the need for an orderly home so I keep trying. I’m a work in progress.
When I say orderly home, I mean a place where things are relatively predictable, where things have a place and certain events are sure to happen.
Things always get out of their place, especially in a house full of little people. We need times when things go back into their place. When things are clean, or at least relatively clean, a family can enjoy life without feeling overwhelmed.
In my home, one day never looks like another, no matter how hard I try, but everyone needs some idea of what to expect each day. When meals, naps, baths, and bed have a predictable rhythm, there is peace. We may not know every detail or stick to exact times but there is a flow that brings order and a feeling of control, for us and our children.
Children thrive on structure and order but they cannot create it for themselves. They need us to create it for them.
Joy
Who wants to live in a home without joy? Not me! And neither do our children. Joy is the force that makes bad days good and good days better. I can’t imagine a bad day with joy. When we make an effort to bring joy into our days it can turn everything around and give us a better perspective.
Nehemiah 8:10 says, “The joy of the Lord is your strength.” Without joy, ordinary things seem like drudgery and difficult things feel like torture. But joy brings a spring to our step that makes those tasks seem lighter. The same is true for our little ones.
When my children grow up I want them to remember our home as a place they loved to be. I want them to associate joy with faith because joy makes faith attractive. Years down the road if others try to argue them out of their faith in God, I want to know the faith they learned at home was mixed with love and joy. Mental arguments can not stand where joy, love, and faith are strong.
Joy doesn’t come naturally to me. I’m more of a worker bee, trying to check off my to-do list, but I know my children need it. When people are on edge and tempers are bubbling under the surface, I try to remember to sprinkle some kind of joy into the day. Joy is like oil that makes the gears of home run more smoothly. It can be as simple as turning on upbeat music, having a special snack, or breaking up the regular routine with a fun outing.
Rest
Just like soil can be depleted of nutrients after being overworked with no rest, the soil of our homes can also become depleted without times of rest. Rest is crucial for faith to flourish in the hearts of our children.
I love homemade bread but I rarely make it because of the time and work involved. The best recipe I’ve used calls for two rest periods of about an hour each. By the time I decide I want to make it, it’s usually too late to start the long process! Yes, I should and could plan ahead, but I rarely do.
Growing faith in our home is a lot like this. We can add all the right ingredients, mix them together and bake them, but without time for rest, it doesn’t work out as we envisioned.
In baking, rest gives the yeast time to multiply and spread throughout all of the dough. It gives the bread time to take shape and grow. Our children also need times of rest for their faith to grow and spread in their hearts. Their own relationship with God needs time to take shape. We can add all the right elements; but all of these, especially faith, need time to expand and mix into our daily lives. If we are always driven like cattle from one thing to the next, faith doesn’t have time to seep into the heart. Rest helps faith take root.
Take time, make time, consistent weekly time for rest, for you and your whole family. And don’t feel guilty about it, know it’s not optional but necessary.
Grace
For me, grace is hard to define but it’s obvious when it’s missing. Grace reminds me of the kindness and gentleness of the Lord.
Romans 2:4 says it’s the kindness of the Lord that draws man to repentance. The fear of punishment is what drives us away. When Adam and Eve sinned in the garden, they hid from the Lord when He came to them. They knew they had sinned and were afraid.
We are all vulnerable creatures touched by sin. One of the challenging parts of our calling as Christian mothers is to hold a high standard of righteousness and, at the same time, offer abundant grace.
I remember as a child hiding my wrongdoings from my parents and lying if necessary, to avoid punishment For me, the fear of punishment overshadowed the desire to do right and be honest. I don’t want my children to feel like they have to make that kind of choice.
I don’t want them to ever feel like they need to hide their weaknesses or wrongdoings from me. I want them to see me as their advocate, here to help them grow, not their advisory, looking to punish every offense.
I also don’t want them to think sin and disobedience are something to be shrugged off. As parents, it’s our responsibility to correct our children and train them in the ways of the Lord. But my goal is to put our relationship first, even when I’m correcting them.
This is not something that comes natural for me. I’m constantly asking the Holy Spirit to help me deal with situations where correction is necessary, but I’m not sure exactly how to handle it.
Little hearts grow up to be big hearts. Right now your child’s biggest challenge may be learning to obey you, not to tell a lie, or not to bite his sister. But one day he will fight much larger temptations. The goal is to let them know that they can always come to you for help no matter what they’ve done or thought, that you are a safe place for them. They need to know you are not going to shame them, that you are on their side, and that you believe in them. If they know they can bring their thoughts and fears to you and you will help them, not judge or shame them, they will come to you for wisdom and prayer, especially when they grow older.
I hope these ideas have been encouraging and inspiring to you as you consider ways to create a nurturing atmosphere in your home, a place where faith can grow. You can do this. It won’t look like my home or anyone else’s, but the important thing is you’re doing it by faith and with God’s grace. We always grow as we help them grow. God Bless!
Dear Heavenly Father,
I lift my home to you today. I pray it would be all that your grace can make it.
I pray love would be our default. I ask for wisdom to create a place where faith can flow naturally and grow in the hearts and minds of my children. Lord, help me to create order in my home so we can live unhindered by chaos. Teach me how to sprinkle joy into our days. Remind me that my children need joy. And, Lord, teach me to rest and how to make rest a part of the rhythm of our home. Help me to show my children grace, to be their advocate, not their adversary.
Help me to raise them well for you.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen
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