When the Darkness Tries to Seep In

To listen to the podcast episode for this post click below:

One day last week I woke up with a strong sense of dread in my heart for the day ahead.  I wanted to bury my head under the covers and hide.  I had so many things I needed to do that day but I just didn’t feel up to the task.  My first thought was, “I just can’t do this today.” But some things had to be done and I knew that if I didn’t get up they wouldn’t happen.  So I got up, by grace, put one foot in front of the other, and pressed on.  

But that feeling of heaviness stayed with me for several more days.  I tried to shake it, but as much as I hated to admit it, I knew it wasn’t going anywhere until I faced it head-on and dealt with the root. 

When those feelings of darkness and heaviness try to seep into my soul there is always an underlying reason, and if I can deal with what’s causing them, my attitude and emotions eventually turn around.

Before I became a SAHM I held many different positions.  I’ve managed an office, worked at a university, and worked as a salesperson for many years. In each of those positions, my benefits included paid time off, holiday pay, and sick leave.  I had a lunch break and had almost every weekend off.  There were times I was expected to work and times I was not.  I was never expected to work non-stop 24-7… until I became a mom.  

When I became a mom I was overwhelmed by the amount of work involved.  It was never-ending.  I worked all. the. time.

I remember in the early days when Michael, my husband, would come home from work. He would take off his shoes, change clothes, sit in his chair, and rest.  This irked me.  It shouldn’t have, but it did.  I had worked all day too, but I saw no end in sight.  I still had to cook supper and give the kids a bath.  (Michael always helped with these things.  But he also had no problem taking a few minutes to unwind after a busy day.)

I’m embarrassed to say there were days I would grab the toy basket, throw the toys laying around into it and work busily while he sat in his chair.  I wanted him to see me working hard while he relaxed.  I wanted him to feel bad about taking a break. He would ask, “Are you okay?”   My standard reply was, “Yes, I’m fine.” But we both knew I wasn’t.

As I look back now I understand my frustration better. I was looking to Michael to give me permission to take a break. I never felt like I could stop and I felt guilty for needing a break. 

No one else is going to give you permission to take a break. You have to give yourself permission.

We have to learn that our lives are not just about work.  It’s the relationships that we hold dear that make life worth living.  And if we are too exhausted to enjoy those we love and appreciate the lives we’ve been given then we are missing out on much of what makes our lives meaningful.

Taking care of ourselves is not selfish.  If we don’t take care of ourselves we can’t take care of those who depend on us.  So, if we love our family, it’s okay to make a plan for meeting our own needs. 

This has not been an easy concept for me to learn.  I’ve had to learn it the hard way, by failing at it so many times.  So many times I’ve worn myself out, to the point that I was forced to take a break at the worse possible times. 

My dad was a farmer.  He was one of the hardest-working men I have ever met. He worked all the time and he didn’t know how to rest.  I lived with my parents after I graduated college.  One day I was sitting in the living room watching TV when I heard my dad at the door about to come inside. He would stand at the door for a few minutes knocking off his boots before he came into the house.  When I heard him I immediately jumped up and started looking busy.  I looked for something to clean, fold, or dust…quickly!   My dad always worked and he thought you should be working too.  I’ve been trained to have that kind of mindset toward work so it hasn’t been easy for me to learn how to rest or recognize my own needs.  

I want to encourage you to find out what you need to maintain your energy and meet your needs so you can be a blessing and continue to serve your family well, and enjoy them.  

I can quickly take on a martyr mentality, where I try to do all the work and take care of everyone else while pretending I have no needs, or that my needs don’t matter.  But that’s not true.  And when I ignore my own needs to put everyone else first, eventually I become resentful and develop a nasty attitude.  

Many times we’re waiting for someone to give us permission to take care of ourselves.  And that’s probably not going to happen. You have to believe that it’s okay to treat yourself with kindness, that it’s not lazy to take a break, and that God wants you to take care of yourself.

Elijah was a prophet in Israel during a very difficult time.  The Book of First Kings tells his story.  Chapter 18 tells of the tremendous revival God brought to Israel through Elijah’s bold faith and obedience.  For three years there had been no rain because of the nation’s sin.  The whole nation was given over to idol worship.  They were worshiping Baal instead of God.  Elijah challenged the prophets of Baal to a contest.  The prophets of Baal made an altar to sacrifice to Baal while Elijah made an altar to God.  The prophets of Baal called on their god all day, but they received no response.  When Elijah offered a sacrifice to God and called on Him, He answered by fire.  God showed all of Israel that He is the one true God, the only God worthy of worship. As a result, all the prophets of Baal were killed.

King Ahab and his queen, Jezabel, were not pleased with this at all.  Jezebel was the one trying to turn Israel into a nation that served Baal.   In Chapter 19, Jezebel sends a message to Elijah that she will surely kill him for what he has done to her prophets.  Elijah runs.  

Elijah had just been powerfully used by God.  God sent fire down from Heaven and brought a great revival to His people because Elijah prayed, believed, and stood strong for Him.  But at Jezabel’s threat, Elijah was filled with fear and ran.

Elijah went from a great high to a great low.   He had poured out all he had.  He was tired and depleted. His great victory had been at the price of all of his strength.  Elijah took a day’s journey, finally stopping to rest under a tree.  He was so discouraged that he prayed he would die.  Then he fell asleep.  

An angel of the Lord woke him and gave him food and water.  He fell back asleep and the angel woke him again giving him more food and water.  This nourishment allowed him to take a long journey to a cave at Mount Horeb where God spoke to him, giving him his next assignment.

Elijah was exhausted.  He had poured out everything he had and was empty, physically and spiritually.  He needed rest.  He wanted to give up and just be done with everything!  Have you ever felt that way? I have. I still do sometimes.

Think about the process of Elijah’s restoration.  He slept and when we woke God had provided the nourishment he needed.  He was so exhausted he slept again.  And again he woke to God’s provision of food and water.  Then, when he was physically stronger, God drew Elijah close to Him so He could renew his vision.  He told Elijah about his future and the plans He had for him

Precious mama,  Elijah’s story is a lesson for us.  Let his story encourage you when your cup is empty and you want to throw in the towel.  You need rest.  You need good food and water.  You need to get away from the world and draw near to God for a season. He wants to restore your soul and renew your vision.  But you must turn to Him. If you are too busy doing all the “stuff” that’s required, and never take time to refuel, you will eventually crash and burn.  I don’t want that for you.  I want you to thrive and stay strong to the end.

We wonder if it’s okay to take care of our own needs when so many need us to take care of them.  We must give ourselves permission to take care of ourselves.  We must learn to carve out time for rest in our daily routine, or at least our weekly routine. Making a plan to fill your cup, physically and spiritually, is wise, not selfish.  

Also, we must learn how to ask for help when we need it.  If you expect others to see when you need help and volunteer without being asked, you’ll become resentful when they don’t.  And you’ll still be exhausted.  

Let taking care of your own needs become a part of your daily routine so you can continue serving and loving your family well for the long term.

This may be a new concept for you.  

Remember that the work you do as a mom isn’t just physical.  Yes, it’s taxing physically, but it’s also emotionally draining.  And raising children to know and love Jesus is also spiritual work.  So you need spiritual strength, God’s strength, too.

Notice that Elijah had to have his physical needs met before he could focus on his spiritual needs.  We have a body and a spirit. Both have needs.  Our body needs rest and nourishment.  Our spirit needs God.  But it’s difficult to get to God when we are discouraged and feel hopeless because we’re depleted physically and emotionally.  

God made your body and spirit, and He loves both.  David said his body was fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).  Your body is a wonderful gift from God.  Please treat it well. 

Sleep and Rest

Elijah was so tired and discouraged he wanted to die.  But God wasn’t finished with Elijah.  And He’s not finished with you either.  You may be one nap away from a completely different outlook on life.  If a nap seems out of reach for you right now ask someone to watch your kids long enough for you to get a quick one.  You will be amazed at how much hope a single nap can give you.  

Try getting to bed earlier.  I’ve always been a night owl.  When my boys were little I would stay up too late at night because that seemed like the only time no one needed me and I could read or think undisturbed.  I sacrificed the sleep I needed and my health was affected because of it. Those around me made the connection before I did.  I so loved my time alone that I fought the truth for a long time. I needed sleep. We all do. It’s how God designed us.

 Food

As a healthy person in my 20s and 30s, I never thought much about nutrition.  The only time I thought about the food I ate was when I was trying to lose weight.  Maintaining my health never entered my mind.  But in my 40s all that changed.  I went through a time when it seemed like my body was falling apart.  It seemed like every week another health concern popped up.  I finally made a connection to my diet. I thought that maybe if I started eating higher-quality food it would increase the quality of my health.  And it did.  Since then I’ve learned how important it is to feed myself nourishing, nutrient-rich food.  Yes, this is more work, but the resulting health and strength far outreach the investment in time and money.  Spend some time thinking about what you put into your body and how you can take better care of yourself by eating better food. 

You may already be doing this, and that’s great.  I wasn’t.  My diet was horrible. My main goal was convenience and that led to many poor choices.  

Water 

I have a hard time getting enough water each day.  I’ve just never loved drinking water.  But I know my body needs it and I feel so much better when I do.  So many issues can be resolved by just drinking enough water.  Dehydration can cause issues with your heart, headaches, tiredness, dizziness, brain fog, and more.  Our bodies need water to function properly and when we give them what they need it makes a huge difference in how we feel physically and emotionally.  I say emotionally because when we are not well physically it affects us emotionally.  Our bodies and emotions are tied together and affect each other more than we realize.

Draw Near to God

We are spiritual as well as physical creatures.  Our spirit needs God just as much as, or more than, our physical body needs sleep, food, and water.

David says in Psalms 42:1, “As a deer pants for water, so pants my soul for you, O God.”

God wants to fill your spiritual cup.  Draw near to God.  Feed on His Word.  Drink from His Spirit.  Draw near to God and He will draw near to you (James 4:8).  He wants to tell you things.  As He spoke to Elijah in the cave at Mount Horeb, God wants to give you insights into the plans He has for your life, to give you hope for the future and strength.

God loves you, precious one.  He gives you permission to take good care of yourself. Decide today to become a woman who knows her limits and can ask for help when she needs it. Work with your body and spirit to give them what they need to be strong.  Pay attention to what your body is telling you.  When you’re tired, rest.  Do this so you can love well and fulfill the calling of God for your life.   

Blessings!

© Audrey McCracken, 2022

If you found this article helpful and you’d like to say thanks, click here to buy Audrey a coffee.