I’m really enjoying this homeschool series. It’s making me think back and remember how our homeschool days went, what we got right, and what I wish I could have done differently. I miss homeschooling more than I thought I would. So writing this series has been a way for me to celebrate that time in my life and remember that those days mattered, even though they’re over.
In the first article, Following God’s Call to Homeschool, I share our story of how we became an unlikely homeschool family. In the second, Homeschooling As Discipleship, I talk about how homeschooling helped me to disciple my children for Jesus.
Today I want to discuss Homeschooling As a Lifestyle.
Nothing is ever the way you imagine it will be. This was certainly true for me as I stepped out into homeschooling. I imagined fun days with us learning together. There were some fun days, but they were not as frequent as I thought they would be, especially at first.
If you had asked me about homeschooling during our first three years, I’m not sure if I would have recommended it. The truth is those first years were very challenging for me. I often wondered if I had made a mistake. I wasn’t sure if I could finish what I started.
There were days I wanted to register my children in public school and never look back, for my sanity and theirs.
Homeschooling is hard…very hard, even when it’s God.
As I said in Following God’s Call to Homeschool, I felt a strong call to homeschool our children. My husband didn’t see it. He thought they should go to public school. I prayed that God would show Michael that He was asking me to homeschool our children. There was a long period of time we didn’t see eye-to-eye. Months. The struggle for my husband to see the vision God had given me was real. It was frustrating. It was a test of my faith. When God finally spoke to my husband I was elated. But that’s when the work really began.
As I stepped out, I realized how inadequate I was for the task. Nothing looked the way I thought it would. My kids didn’t respond to my teaching the way I wanted them to. The work was hard and exhausting. I wasn’t sure what we should be doing during the day. I constantly felt like a failure. Often I wanted to quit.
Jesus said with God all things are possible, not easy. Just because God calls us to do something doesn’t mean it will be easy. It was my strong belief in and commitment to God’s call that helped me hold the course during those first three years. And the struggle for clarity before we actually started homeschooling reminded me that I had prayed for this, to be able to homeschool my children. Was I going to give up because it didn’t feel good or look like I thought it would? There were days I wanted to admit failure. But I had prayed earnestly that God would speak to my husband, and God had answered those prayers. I decided to commit myself to the work and trust God.
I’m telling you this because I want you to have realistic expectations. Homeschooling, even with God’s blessing, is hard. Educating and discipling children is work, even when you love them with all of your heart. Often we are trying to teach and train them while we are dealing with our own immaturity and heart issues. There’s a lot going on there.
Being at home all day with children can be very draining and feel isolating. I wish someone had told me how challenging being with my children all day, everyday would be. I probably wouldn’t have listened and thought something like, “Oh, it won’t be that hard for me because God called me to do this.” But it’s still hard. If you believe God has called your family to homeschool, I encourage you to count the cost.
There are times you will feel alone. People who don’t understand your heart will judge you. You will wonder if you really heard from God. You will doubt your own ability to teach your children all they need to know. You may even wonder if you’re doing your kids more harm than good and if they would be better off in “real school.”
One of the things keeping me from throwing in the towel was the strong call I felt in my heart to homeschool which I believed was God sent. And the struggle I experienced when I was certain homeschooling was the way for us but my husband wasn’t helped me to solidify that this was indeed what I should be doing, even when I wasn’t sure how. Without that certainty I’m not sure I would have continued.
So what advice would I give myself during those first three years of homeschooling? Make homeschooling a natural part of your life. Homeschooling doesn’t have to look like public school, private school or even your friend’s homeschool. Learning can be a natural part of life, not something we superimpose on ourselves or our families.
In the beginning I was so uptight about schedules and frustrated because they never worked. I always felt behind if we missed a lesson, especially a week worth of lessons if someone was sick. I’m still not sure who I was behind?
I was determined to whip our home and homeschool into shape. I was very insecure in my ability to teach my children well so I over compensated with rigid demands on myself and my children. I was going to figure out the “right” way to do this homeschool gig and do it perfectly, even if it killed me! For sure it killed the fun of learning.
Don’t get me wrong, we had good days, but there was always an overarching fear of getting behind. I was very performance based in my approach. I felt driven to prove to my husband and others that I could teach our children successfully. It took quite a while for me to settle into the role of a confident homeschool mom.
I had to change my perspective and attitude about learning. My kids were not cattle that needed to be herded. They were children who needed to learn. Their brains weren’t empty buckets that needed to be filled with all the facts and knowledge I could give them but curious minds that needed to be fed and inspired. And we weren’t in competition with ANYONE.
They were just precious children who needed to learn. They needed someone to teach them how to learn. And God designed them with the capacity and curiosity to want to learn. I just had to believe that and tap into it. That’s when the calling came to life and learning became fun. There were still hard days. Some days when I reverted back to my old ways and mindsets. There were days that my fears took over. But we were still learning together. As I was teaching my children, God was teaching me.
I believe homeschooling was just as much about my growth as theirs.
What did this change look like? My perspective and expectations changed. I stopped feeling guilty for my inability to keep up with a specific schedule. I decided to believe that wasn’t a character flaw but part of the personality God gave me. I gave myself grace. That helped me to give my children grace. I stopped trying to have “school at home” and tried to find opportunities for learning in our daily life.
My goal became to make learning a part of our everyday life, a part of our lifestyle. Learning together, investigating things together, reading together became a part of the ebb and flow of our home. This made our days more manageable, teaching more natural and learning more fun.
We had a general routine we followed most days. Things worked better with a daily routine we could all remember. A flowing routine is more forgiving than a firm schedule. They knew what to do next even if it wasn’t assigned to a specific time. I paid less attention to the clock. There was a general flow to the day.
But too much “flow” can cause you to “float” away without anchors to keep your day on track.
I used mealtimes as anchors. Breakfast signaled the start of our homeschool day with our daily devotion. After that we cleaned up breakfast and they did their chores (fed the animals, brushed their teeth, got dressed, unloaded the dishwasher, etc.).
Then we met back on the couch for Circle Time. That’s when we read books together, sang songs, and read poetry. My goal was to do as many things together as possible.
After our time together on the couch, I worked with each child one-on-one. While I worked with one child, the others did independent work at the kitchen table or in their rooms until it was their turn to work with me. Independent work included things like handwriting, math, and later on writing assignments and science.
Lunch brought us back together where I would read a book while they ate or we would listen to an audio book together.
When they were younger, I tried to get everyone outside after lunch. Sometimes we did nature walks. As they grew older and had more work, they continued working independently after lunch.
Snack time signaled a break. In the afternoon around 3 or 3:30 we had quiet reading time. This was when I basically bribed them with a snack to stay in their room and read quietly. It lasted 10, 20, 30 minutes depending on their age. The time increased as they grew older. Often they would play with toys or games instead of read a book. They thought I didn’t know and that they were getting away with something. But that time was mostly for me. I craved just a few minutes alone to think, rest and read before I had to start cooking dinner. It didn’t always happen. It was often messy. But I tried.
When I started prep for dinner the school day was done. That was usually around 4 or 4:30. Then they were free to do what they pleased. Within reason of course. 🙂
This was easier for me to stick with. We just went from one thing to the next in the same order each day, no time attached to it. Most days there were things we didn’t get to because other things took longer than expected. Our main objectives were reading, math and writing. We focused on those and tried to fit everything else around those three.
I usually planned the week’s work on Saturday or Sunday afternoon.
There was a season when I tried to rotate our schedule with six weeks of school and one week off, kinda like having a Sabbath week. I liked the idea of that. It gave us consistent breaks and gave me more time to plan. When it worked it was great. But it always seemed like things would happen to push us to use that 7th week for school. Someone would get sick and we wouldn’t have school for three days. Or we would have a funeral or a string of doctors’ appointments. So that 7th week always felt like a catch up week, not a week of rest.
Finally we started following the same schedule as our local school district which worked for us because my husband works for the school district. That way we were off when he was off. And it was much easier for me to keep up with the schedule.
The wonderful thing about homeschooling is you get to decide what works for you and your family. And you can make adjustments as you go.
My goal was to make learning a part of everyday life, just something we did. Every day we’re learning something new. Every day we’re growing in our math skills. Every day we’re reading together.
Remember one bad day isn’t going to mess everything up. Neither is one bad week. You get another chance next week. The secret is consistently plodding along. You would be amazed how much learning takes place when you do a little math, a little history, a little writing and a little reading every day. Those times add up exponentially.
We still had hard days. Some days there were tears. But making homeschool part of our lifestyle made a difference. Learning became the norm for our family, not the exception.
Like anything worth doing, homeschooling is hard work. It requires commitment, planning, intention and diligence. But it’s so worth it.
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