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A few weeks ago, my husband Michael and I celebrated our 23rd wedding anniversary.
Twenty-three years.
It sounds like a long time, but honestly—it’s gone by so quickly.
Looking back over these years, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude. Michael is truly a blessing to me, and our marriage has been one of the greatest gifts God has given me. But more than anything, I see how much I’ve grown. Because that’s what Christian marriage does—it makes us grow.
Marriage is beautiful.
Marriage is a gift.
But marriage can also be extremely hard.
It’s like the Bible says in Proverbs 27:17:
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”
We rub up against each other in all the hard places, and through that friction, God shapes us. We sharpen each other. We change each other. And that’s a good thing.
Over the years, marriage has taught me more than I can put into words. But as I think back on our journey, four lessons stand out—four things God has taught me through marriage.
1. My Husband Is Not Jesus
Now, I knew this in my head when I married Michael. But in my heart, I had this hope that he would somehow fix the broken places in me.
When I came to Jesus, I was a mess. There were deep wounds that God began to heal, but some healing takes time. Sometimes healing is a process.
I thought marriage would fill the gaps.
But I’ve learned that Michael is not my Savior. He is not my Healer. He cannot make me whole. Only Jesus can do that.
Michael is my partner. He’s my friend. He’s a gift from God. But he’s also human. Just like I carry the weight of my past, Michael carries his. Just like I have areas where I need to grow, he does too.
I cannot fix him. He cannot fix me. But we can walk together with Jesus, trusting that only Jesus can satisfy those deep places in our hearts.
When we were both trying to get the other to meet needs only God can meet, we were frustrated. We were disappointed. We thought we were doing something wrong. But we weren’t—we were just putting expectations on each other that no human can carry.
When we released that pressure, it brought so much peace.
We could finally enjoy each other without asking the impossible of each other.
2. Forgiveness Is Required Every Day
Jesus told us to forgive seventy times seven in a day. In marriage, that feels about right.
You cannot move forward with someone if you’re always carrying offense. You cannot love well if you’re holding on to anger. The Bible says, “Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry” (Ephesians 4:26).
And while I know that—I’ve also gone to bed angry. More than once.
But here’s what I’ve learned: forgiveness is like breathing. You have to keep doing it to keep your marriage alive.
You need to be generous with forgiveness, because there will be days when you need your husband to forgive you, too.
I’ve grown in this.
I’ve learned to forgive more quickly, not just because it’s right—but because unforgiveness is exhausting. Holding on to anger is heavy. And honestly, I don’t want to live that way.
I’ve also come to know my husband’s heart.
He doesn’t always get it right, but he’s not trying to hurt me. His heart is for me, and that’s what matters.
Forgiveness has to be a daily rhythm in a healthy marriage.
3. Laughter Is the Health Check of Marriage
When Michael and I are laughing together, I know we’re in a good place.
When we stop laughing, it’s a sign we need to be intentional about reconnecting.
When life feels too serious, it’s time to bring joy back in.
Sometimes that means going out for dinner, going to the movies, taking a walk, or watching something funny together. It means doing something that isn’t about bills or kids or work—just something to enjoy each other’s company and remember why we fell in love.
Laughter lightens the load. It resets the tone. And it helps us find each other again when life gets heavy.
I’ve learned that laughter isn’t just a byproduct of a good marriage—it’s an ingredient we can intentionally add back in.
4. We Are Partners, Not Projects
This one is so important:
I am not my husband’s project. And he is not mine.
Marriage is a partnership. We are a gift to each other.
We are meant to do life together—to walk side by side, not stand over each other as critics.
Yes, there are times when we need to speak the truth in love. There are moments when it’s right to share our hearts and offer wisdom. But I’ve learned that the more I nitpick, the less he hears me.
When I’m constantly pointing out what’s wrong, his heart closes.
But when I choose to let the small things slide, when I choose to encourage and trust God to work in him, his heart stays open to me.
Not everything needs to be said.
Not every little thing needs my opinion.
And when I do speak up, I want it to matter. I want it to come from a place of love, not control. I’ve learned to ask myself: Am I saying this to help, or am I just trying to fix him?
Marriage is sweeter when we live as partners, not as projects.
Still Growing
There are always things we will wish were different. But I’ve learned: I can’t control him. I can only control me.
And after 23 years, I’m still growing.
So is he.
But we’re learning and growing—together.
Maybe that’s what Christian marriage is supposed to be: a beautiful, grace-filled journey where we keep choosing each other and keep growing closer to Jesus.
God knows what He’s doing. He put us together for a reason.
And I’m so thankful.
A Prayer for Your Marriage
Lord,
Thank You for the gift of marriage. Help us to release the pressure we put on our spouses to be what only You can be. Teach us to love with patience, to forgive freely, to laugh often, and to see each other as partners in grace. Help us grow closer in a way that honors You.
In Jesus’ name,
Amen.
© Audrey McCracken Creatives LLC, 2025
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