The Most Important Thing You Can Do for Your Marriage

The Most Important Thing

As Christians the most important thing we can do for our marriage is put Jesus Christ in his rightful place as first in our lives. God created us to know and love Him. In His infinite wisdom, He has a personal plan for each of us. But His overarching plan is that all of us would know Him personally and have intimate fellowship with Him.

When God made us, He made us multifaceted. We have a soul, spirit and body. He created us with needs in each of these areas. For example, our bodies need food, water and air. We can’t live very long without them.

In Philippians 4:19, Paul says that God will meet all of our needs according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus. His resources will never be exhausted. He knows us better than we know ourselves. He understands us completely. He knows what our needs are and He provides ways for us to get those needs met.

One way God meets our needs in marriage is through our spouse. A healthy marriage is where each person is meeting the needs of their partner. God designed it that way.

But there are some needs only God can meet.

God is the only One who can tell us who we really are and why we are here. When He opens our eyes to His love for us and acceptance of us, we will realize we have great value, even if we’re rejected by others. His love is strong and secure. It heals the deep places in our heart.

When we look to our spouse to meet the needs that only God can meet, we’re disappointed and they become frustrated. We also put our spouse in an unfair position by asking something of them they can’t do, no matter how much they may want to or how hard they may try.

When you dwell with God and have fellowship with Him, He meets your spiritual needs.

As we draw near to God in prayer and worship, He fills us with His strength, ability and wisdom. We also experience a love like no other. We find the peace our souls long for. God fills the places where we need it the most. Only in relationship with God do we find out who we are and why we are here.

No one will ever satisfy us like Jesus. And it’s unfair to put that expectation on another person.

When my relationship with Jesus is waning, I find myself looking to my husband more and more to meet my deepest needs; my need for purpose, significance, validation and security. If I’m not getting these needs met by Jesus, I end up putting undue pressure on my husband.

Yes, we love each other and we work to be sensitive to each other’s needs, but if I’m looking to him (or he’s looking to me) to meet the needs only God can meet, we will both be disappointed and frustrated.

When I pour out my heart to Jesus and when I’m dwelling in Him, I’m a much better wife. I’m more secure. I’m less easily offended. And I can give others more grace, especially my husband.

Make your relationship with Jesus the most important relationship in your life. Put your trust in Him. He said He would never leave you nor forsake you. He promises to meet all of your needs. Take Him at His word.

When you find your identity in Jesus Christ, you find confidence and peace that the world can’t take away. When you’re secure in who God made you to be and His great love for you, you won’t look to your husband to complete you, because you know he can’t. Then your husband is free to meet the needs only he can meet. Our marriages are more healthy when we remove heavy burdens we’ve put on each other to meet needs we aren’t equipped to meet.

Ecclesiastes 4:12 says a threefold cord is not easily broken. Our marriage is stronger when we are walking together, as we are walking with Jesus.

One Thing You Should Avoid in Marriage

This is the perfect segway into the one thing you should avoid in your marriage, which is unrealistic expectations.

We all enter marriage with high hopes, believing we’ve found someone special who we will enjoy being with for the rest of our lives. We have great expectations for our marriage. Which is how it should be. Why would we get married if we didn’t believe the pros of marriage outweigh the cons?

But we have problems when our expectations are unrealistic.

I’m sure your husband is very different from you, but there is one thing you both have in common. Neither of you are perfect. When you expect your husband to be perfect, or almost perfect, you’re setting him up for failure and setting yourself up for disappointment.

Marriage is hard. Don’t expect the strong feelings of love you had in the beginning to be present everyday. That’s why we have marriage vows, to keep us together after the feelings fade, and they will.

When a couple is joined together in marriage they are becoming one. Becoming one takes a lifetime. There are times we realise that the strong feelings we once felt for our husband has cooled. A strong, close marriage is built when we decide to be committed to our husbands and our marriage even when things aren’t the way we thought they would be.

Your marriage and your commitment to each other will be tested. The only way to make it through the test is to decide beforehand that you will choose each other, no matter what.

We’re often surprised by things we discover about our spouse within the first few months of married life. You’ll see things in your partner you don’t like. Some things will annoy you. There will be areas where you can’t agree, where you’re convinced your husband is wrong or unwilling to listen to reason. Life is going to throw you curveballs. Curve your expectations. Expect it to be hard. Don’t hold your husband to a level of perfection he can’t meet.

Marriage wasn’t designed to be easy. Bringing two people together as one will pose many challenges. But when we go into it mindful that our husband isn’t supposed to meet all of our needs and remembering neither of us are perfect people, our marriage grows stronger and we grow closer.

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